Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
― Eleanor Brownn
What does this quote mean to you? Imagine you have a big bowl of punch. You made an awesome punch with orange and pink sherbet, Sprite, orange juice, pineapple juice…you even put grenadine syrup – this stuff is good. You’re so excited about having everyone try some. So you throw a party and you invite your relatives, your kids’ friends, and the neighbors. Everyone is free and excited about the punch. They even bring people you didn’t invite and some take the punch home with them before they leave. You are busy talking to everyone and pretty soon, you realize there is none left, and you haven’t even tried any yourself. You feel tired, worn out, defeated.
Sometimes we want to give and give and give more of ourselves. Especially if your child is struggling, you may feel like the best thing to do is everything you humanly can. But if we don’t feel good, there is not as much of us to give, and if we don’t work hard on filling up our own cup, we are running on empty most of the time.
Myth: Talking about suicide or asking someone if they feel suicidal will encourage suicide attempts.
Fact: Talking about suicide will not cause someone to commit suicide. In fact, it can be the first step in helping them choose to live.
A person who is severely depressed probably has already thought about committing suicide. Asking them about it opens the door to talk openly and express their feelings with someone who cares about them. Often times, talking about it can provide a sense of relief. Listening to someone in distress and helping them to feel understood is one of the most courageous things you can do.
A suicidal person feels completely alone, even when caring friends and family are right by their side. They feel caged and can’t let go of desperate thoughts stuck in their head. They need someone to talk to and openly discuss their most scary feelings and impulses. Talking through these impulses, whether with loved-ones or professional psychotherapists, is one of the best ways to avoid acting on them.
Fact: Teen suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24, according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
If you are worried about someone, step in! Suicidal crises can be relatively short-lived and suicide can be prevented. Talking about suicide is the first step in getting a person the help they need. To learn more about how to help, go to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
It is based on a concept called Attention Bias Modification Treatment. People who are anxious tend to lean toward seeing a situation as scary or negative. The treatment uses different techniques to retrain the brain to be less biased toward negative thinking.
The Personal Zen game helps you practice this skill by focusing on a positive looking face instead of a negative looking one.
It is available for free on Android and iOS so if you check it out, please let us know what you think! It is best used on a regular basis especially when you are actually feeling anxious (versus just in a regular mood). Enjoy!
What words describe your child? If someone did not know them at all – how would you describe them? You could probably make a long list of things. People are not one-dimensional. And even if most of the time if they are one way, in certain situations they might be the opposite. Let’s say most of the time they are a peace maker – but if someone makes fun of their sister, they will pick a fight with them. There may even be things about them that seem to be opposites – but they are both there.
For example, maybe they have a lot of skill in math and science – but when it comes down to it, they could spend all their days just drawing with a charcoal pencil. People have many sides to them. And in one snapshot of their lives – they are one way – at another stage they might have left certain things behind and now there are new adjectives to describe who they are.
That being said, what does it mean to get a mental health diagnosis? Now is this something else that describes your child? Does it put a damper on their life – what does it mean when someone uses a word to describe them? He’s a depressed guy. She is an anxious girl. Sometimes when people use labels – it feels like a condemnation. Maybe it feels like they are really saying – he’s depressed – that means he is weak, no good, a failure at life, and he’ll never amount to anything. Maybe it feels like they are really saying – she’s anxious – that means she worries too much for no good reason, she takes everything seriously, and cries and complains too much about everything.
Think – are those things true? How could your child have been something else – and now this label makes them a one-sided person. Sometimes labels can make us feel so very small. Or feels like getting one means we are doomed. In medicine, a more humanizing way to talk about any illness is instead of saying: “Sally is a depressed 15 year-old girl” saying “Sally is a 15 year-old girl who has depression.” What’s the difference? The difference is that Sally is a multi-dimensional person and depression is only one part of the story.
Some people do not want to get help because they don’t want to own a label. Well, no one is a label. For the sake of figuring out how to help people, sometimes medical people will use labels so they can make a plan of what can help someone. But in reality, everyone’s illness is unique and different, has a different course, and could have been caused by different things. Using these labels is a simple way to talk to each other so we can communicate and try to help. Remembering each person is unique and not a label is always something to keep in mind.
Have you ever felt ashamed of your child being labeled as being sick? How did you cope with this?
In a post we wrote before, we talked about how some of the signs of depression or anxiety can be physical. In this post, I’d like to try to think about this a little deeper. What I mean is how does physical pain make emotional pain worse and vice versa.
Human beings all crave to belong. We want to have friendships that support us and make us feel good. However, when we start to feel no longer wanted by others, we experience the weight of loneliness and isolation. This is especially true with adolescents. A recent article about bullying behaviors connected these negative behaviors to feelings of not belonging.
In the past, we posted an article that looked into more detailed differences between various healthcare professionals. This article is a spin off from that one by providing some tips on how to decide who the best healthcare professional for your child might be and how to find one nearby.
How do I find the right healthcare professional for my child?
This is a tricky question that can have a lot of correct answers. Remember that you and your child are the expert in your family’s needs so listening to your intuition and asking yourself real questions is a great place to start. The steps below are guidelines for navigating the system and may not be the best fit for everyone.
Recently one of our team members wrote an article entitled, “What do all of these letters mean?” This article provided a brief overview of the post-nominal letters (those initials after someone’s name) we so often see while navigating the health world. Some of you asked for more information (thank you for your input!), so now we are delivering. This post reviews the details about certain health professionals. Review the image below which highlights some of the main points regrading education, medication, and therapy.
So first of all, what is co-rumination? Co-rumination is discussing problems with others (in this case, your child) frequently, repeatedly, and excessively while never achieving a solution to fixing the problem.
Although co-rumination can be helpful at times by providing emotional support, it is not a productive form of communication because it does not allow for coping skills to develop which can hinder recovery.
You can think about it almost like a bug bite. The more you scratch, the itchier and redder it becomes. However, if you apply ointment and refrain from touching it, the bug bite begins to disappear.
A recent study found that adolescents with depression get into the habit of co-ruminating with their friends and their parents more than people who do not have depression. But with parents – as opposed to friends – they were more likely to have conversations about solving the problem.
So what does this mean for me? When talking with your child about problems occurring in their life, it is important not only to show your emotional support for them but also to help them to think of ways they might solve the issue. Sometimes when you hear your child talk about something that is upsetting them, it might cause you to feel anxious or worried for them. Before thinking about what you are saying you might blurt out something like, “You’re right! That teacher is no good!” or “You keep getting these headaches all the time – what the heck is going on with you?” This might in turn make your child feel more anxious – which makes you feel more anxious – and you get the picture. Try to instead name their emotion and your emotion. And then move on to asking them if they can think of any possible solutions. Try something like, “Wow that is really frustrating about your teacher. Can we sit down and map out exactly what happened and think about what you might have done differently?” or “Ok these headaches are happening a lot. Let’s make an appointment with your doctor, and before you go try to write down everything you can about your headaches so we are prepared to talk about it.”
By talking with your child about ways to overcome the barriers in their life, your child will begin to develop the necessary problem-solving skills they will need long term so they can pull them out as a skill they have even when you are not around. If this is working, you might start to get less “freak out” texts! Instead of agitating the “bug bite”, help your child find a solution to the problem they are experiencing so they can build the skills they need for future problems.
Have you felt like you have co-ruminated with your child before? What happened and what do you think you could do differently?