Category: LEARN

Can you trust yourself?

Have you ever felt like you can psycho-analyze other people really well? You know, like you can just pinpoint what their issue is. By seeing their behavior on the outside, you feel like you can guess what is going on in their head. Like this guy – he has low self-esteem – that’s why he keeps buying more clothes to try to look good and impress other people. Maybe you have seen other families on a reality show on TV and thought – wow they are so dysfunctional – they don’t know how to discipline their children.  Maybe you are right. Maybe you are wrong. We all do it – sometimes it is just funny or silly.

But when we do, we are really simplifying life.

Photo Credit: HumpPhoto.com via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: HumpPhoto.com via Compfight cc

Think about it. When someone meets your family, they are going to observe just a brief moment with you, and they don’t know about all of the different relationships happening, the good times, and bad times. You are the only one who knows all of the intricate details about the relationship between you and your child. And inside you have many desires for them and worries about them. It is quite tough to step outside of your role as a parent and someone who cares so much to think about your child in a more removed way – like you might about someone else’s child.

This is why it can be totally normal to think, when a doctor tells you your child is depressed or anxious, to think, what? they don’t know my child or me, that’s not true. But if your child is depressed or anxious, then your family dynamic is your normal – and until your child gets treatment and you learn to develop a new normal – you might not be able to realize how depression or anxiety may be affecting your family life.

Try instead thinking, ok what is our life like now and how would I like it to be? Is there someone we can work with who could help us get there? Instead of thinking do I agree with them that my child is depressed? I don’t feel that way. What do they know?

Working WITH someone you trust – like a healthcare provider or therapist – can be so helpful. They have the eyes to look at your child from the outside. The more your child shares about what is going on with them on the inside and you share what it is like living with them in your family, the more the therapist can help. But for you to try to get outside of your family life to really take a removed look at your child can be very tough – without someone’s guidance.

Do you agree or disagree? Please let us know in the comments!

Reducing Stress with Easy Yoga

Anxiety is a huge mental stessor.  When we feel anxious, our body’s “fight or flight” response kicks in.  Fight or flight prepares us to struggle or escape. This response starts in your brain and branches into your nerves and bloodstream, which causes our heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing to speed up.  You can experience this response any time- whether it’s during a test you feel nervous about, when something frustrates you, or when you just feel stressed in general.

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Continue reading Reducing Stress with Easy Yoga

How to communicate more effectively

You may think that the message you’re trying to get across to your friends and family through verbal words are understood perfectly, but this is almost always not the case.

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A lot of the things we try to communicate get lost in translation from the time the idea crosses your thoughts to the time they are actually acted out.

Continue reading How to communicate more effectively

Why talking to friends/family is different from talking to a therapist

Your child may feel comfortable talking with you or their friends, you know their history, and you trust and care about each other, so why go to a therapist?

What can a therapist do that a friend or family member can’t? Continue reading Why talking to friends/family is different from talking to a therapist

Empty Vessel

Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
― Eleanor Brownn

Photo Credit: Josh Self via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Josh Self via Compfight cc

What does this quote mean to you? Imagine you have a big bowl of punch. You made an awesome punch with orange and pink sherbet, Sprite, orange juice, pineapple juice…you even put grenadine syrup – this stuff is good. You’re so excited about having everyone try some. So you throw a party and you invite your relatives, your kids’ friends, and the neighbors. Everyone is free and excited about the punch. They even bring people you didn’t invite and some take the punch home with them before they leave. You are busy talking to everyone and pretty soon, you realize there is none left, and you haven’t even tried any yourself. You feel tired, worn out, defeated.

Sometimes we want to give and give and give more of ourselves. Especially if your child is struggling, you may feel like the best thing to do is everything you humanly can. But if we don’t feel good, there is not as much of us to give, and if we don’t work hard on filling up our own cup, we are running on empty most of the time.

We’ve written about how important self-care is before. We’ve even recommended self-care cards, and ways to get more sleep and exercise and other ideas.

How do you make sure to fill up your cup and include self-care in your life?

Dispelling a Suicide Myth

Myth: Talking about suicide or asking someone if they feel suicidal will encourage suicide attempts.

Fact: Talking about suicide will not cause someone to commit suicide.  In fact, it can be the first step in helping them choose to live.

A person who is severely depressed probably has already thought about committing suicide.  Asking them about it opens the door to talk openly and express their feelings with someone who cares about them.  Often times, talking about it can provide a sense of relief.  Listening to someone in distress and helping them to feel understood is one of the most courageous things you can do.

Photo Credit: Maurizio51( nonno ter) via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Maurizio51( nonno ter) via Compfight cc

A suicidal person feels completely alone, even when caring friends and family are right by their side.  They feel caged and can’t let go of desperate thoughts stuck in their head.  They need someone to talk to and openly discuss their most scary feelings and impulses.  Talking through these impulses, whether with loved-ones or professional psychotherapists, is one of the best ways to avoid acting on them.

Fact: Teen suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24, according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

If you are worried about someone, step in!  Suicidal crises can be relatively short-lived and suicide can be prevented. Talking about suicide is the first step in getting a person the help they need. To learn more about how to help, go to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Personal Zen: An App Review

It can be tough to find an app that has actually been part of a research study and has been shown to work.

Personal Zen is a fun game-based app that has actually been proven to help decrease anxiety.

It is based on a concept called Attention Bias Modification Treatment. People who are anxious tend to lean toward seeing a situation as scary or negative. The treatment uses different techniques to retrain the brain to be less biased toward negative thinking.

The Personal Zen game helps you practice this skill by focusing on a positive looking face instead of a negative looking one.

It is available for free on Android and iOS so if you check it out, please let us know what you think! It is best used on a regular basis especially when you are actually feeling anxious (versus just in a regular mood). Enjoy!

Being labeled

What words describe your child? If someone did not know them at all – how would you describe them? You could probably make a long list of things. People are not one-dimensional. And even if most of the time if they are one way, in certain situations they might be the opposite. Let’s say most of the time they are a peace maker – but if someone makes fun of their sister, they will pick a fight with them. There may even be things about them that seem to be opposites – but they are both there.

Photo Credit: Tulane Publications via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Tulane Publications via Compfight cc

For example, maybe they have a lot of skill in math and science – but when it comes down to it, they could spend all their days just drawing with a charcoal pencil. People have many sides to them. And in one snapshot of their lives – they are one way – at another stage they might have left certain things behind and now there are new adjectives to describe who they are.

That being said, what does it mean to get a mental health diagnosis? Now is this something else that describes your child? Does it put a damper on their life – what does it mean when someone uses a word to describe them? He’s a depressed guy. She is an anxious girl. Sometimes when people use labels – it feels like a condemnation. Maybe it feels like they are really saying – he’s depressed – that means he is weak, no good, a failure at life, and he’ll never amount to anything. Maybe it feels like they are really saying – she’s anxious – that means she worries too much for no good reason, she takes everything seriously, and cries and complains too much about everything.

Think – are those things true? How could your child have been something else – and now this label makes them a one-sided person. Sometimes labels can make us feel so very small. Or feels like getting one means we are doomed. In medicine, a more humanizing way to talk about any illness is instead of saying: “Sally is a depressed 15 year-old girl” saying “Sally is a 15 year-old girl who has depression.” What’s the difference? The difference is that Sally is a multi-dimensional person and depression is only one part of the story.

Some people do not want to get help because they don’t want to own a label. Well, no one is a label. For the sake of figuring out how to help people, sometimes medical people will use labels so they can make a plan of what can help someone. But in reality, everyone’s illness is unique and different, has a different course, and could have been caused by different things. Using these labels is a simple way to talk to each other so we can communicate and try to help. Remembering each person is unique and not a label is always something to keep in mind.

Have you ever felt ashamed of your child being labeled as being sick? How did you cope with this?