How does this make you feel? Do you allow things to upset you that you could let go of? What can you change about your thoughts that would make you happier?
Do you remember when you were young and had tough topics you wanted to talk to your parent or caregiver about? Sometimes it is important to reflect on those times and realize your child is going through them too. Today, we posted an article on our SOVA site (for adolescents) about talking to their parents using the listed tips below. We think they are also good tips for parents!
Your child and you can feel pretty vulnerable when you talk to a therapist. Think about it – you are telling them your deepest thoughts and you are not sure what they are thinking! You might not know what a therapist is supposed to do or act like if you’ve never seen one before. So how do you know if things are going well in therapy?
Here are some suggestions we have:
Ask your child:
- Do they think therapy will help them?
- What do they expect out of their therapist?
- Are I willing to participate in therapy together or alone for myself if needed?
- What do I expect out of my child for therapy?
- What do I expect out of the therapist?
Discuss your answers to the above questions with your child’s therapist and your child so you can have a clear idea if what you think will happen is what will happen.
As you get to know your child’s therapist, ask yourself these questions:
- Does my child feel accepted?
- Is the therapist caring?
- Does the therapist explain things clearly?
- If the therapist and my child disagree, can they have a productive conversation about it?
- Does the therapist recognize if there is a problem and addresses it instead of avoiding it?
After you’ve gotten to know your child’s therapist, ask yourself:
- Does the therapist have a good relationship with my child?
- Does the therapist and my child get along?
- Does the therapist and my child agree on the goals of what I am going to get from treatment?
- Does the therapist get along with me?
- Does the therapist agree with me on the goals of my child’s treatment?
These questions have been shown in research to influence how well therapy can work for kids and adolescents which is why we think it is important to think about them.
If the answers are no to any of these questions, talk to the therapist on how you might address them. If it doesn’t feel comfortable to talk to the therapist, then talk to whoever referred your child to them – like your child’s primary care provider about whether they can help talk to the therapist and investigate whether they are a good fit for them.
Did you try out using any of these questions? Is there something new you learned? Are there other questions you suggest for talking to your child’s therapist?
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” –Golda Meir
How do you trust yourself? What ways can we support a teenager learning to trust themselves?
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” –Vincent van Gogh
How do you make your mental health a priority in your life? How can you support your child’s mental health?
If a doctor or medical professional tells you that your child may be depressed, what does that really mean? The trouble with depression is it’s not a rash—it’s hard to “see”—although in research, brain studies can show how the brain can look different in someone who is depressed. So then how does a doctor know that’s what’s wrong?
It comes down to symptoms—these are complaints your child may have or you may notice—that tend to go together in someone who is depressed. Sometimes your child might not tell you they feel this way so it can be tough for you to see the symptoms. On the other hand, they might say they feel fine because they don’t want you to worry, but you definitely notice something is not right. Symptoms include:
- Feeling down most of the day. Maybe your child notices they are just feeling sad, empty, or down in the dumps. They might not even notice—but you might see they are tearful or irritable much of the time.
- Not interested in things they used to like. Things they used to think were fun aren’t fun anymore. They don’t really do them and even if they don’t notice or say they don’t care, you notice the difference.
- Changes in appetite or weight. They’re hungry all the time, or they don’t feel like anything tastes good anymore.
- Problems with sleep. They are tired and sleepy all day even when they get enough rest, or the opposite—they can’t fall asleep no matter how hard they try.
- Tiredness or not having energy.
- They feel like everything is their fault. They feel like they’re no good at anything.
- They have a tough time concentrating or making decisions.
- They may have thoughts of suicide.
MOST important is that because of these symptoms, they are having trouble living the life they want to live.
It might mean they are not achieving their goals, getting to school every day, getting to work, doing the fun activities they used to do, or being the kind of friend they want to be.
A health professional can help you and your child figure out if your child should get treatment for depression or if something else could be causing the symptoms. For example, having a low blood count can cause sleepiness, fatigue, and a tough time concentrating. Sometimes it can take many visits for you, your child, and your health professional to figure out the best way to help.
The most important thing is if you notice these symptoms in your child, something is wrong, and although its easier to say to yourself, “Maybe they will just go away,” often they won’t. The good news is the sooner you do something about them, the better. The brain of the adolescent and young adult is amazing—it is kind of like clay—mold-able into many different things! Talking to a trusted health professional will be your next best step.
Person 1: I go to therapy every week, why do I need to do anything else about this?
Person 2: If you do your self-care work, therapy is going to go a lot smoother.
Person 1: Therapy IS my self-care!
Person 2: It’s part of your self-care.
Perhaps you’ve been on both sides of this conversation, maybe you’ve had it with yourself. It’s important to remember that therapy and medication are parts of the self-care and self-love process.
That can be really hard to cope with when it takes a lot to just get to therapy and open up there. It’s important to be mindful that adolescents may not want to discuss their therapy or self-care activities with you. But it is important to keep the door of communication open.
One way to do that is to create a habit of just checking in with your adolescent daily. Or just going on a walk together where no one has to say anything, but the door is open to it. Another way is to demonstrate that you do self-care for yourself, and name the activity “self-care time.” Doing so makes it easier for them to say “Other people also do things to take care of themselves outside of treatment, maybe I can too.”
What are some ways that you encourage your adolescent to engage in self-care outside of therapy or medication? What are ways that you take care of yourself?
“Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions … do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” –Tina Fey
Does it help to have someone else believe in you when you are down? How do you tell your adolescent that you are behind them when they are not feeling good about themselves?
Sometimes we all need a little extra help with something hard. Many people, including youths, start smoking and find it incredibly difficult to quit. DoSomething.org currently has campaign to for people to help other people quit the deadly habit. It’s called “Quitters Always Win” and you can win a $5000 scholarship by signing up to send a card to someone trying to quit! You can sign up here!
Do you think this kind of positive encouragement is useful? Where in your life could you use a card? Tell us about if you signed up and made a card or if you need a little extra boost in your life!