Have you or your child ever wanted to talk to a therapist or psychologist about difficult feelings, but hesitated? If you have ever felt this way, you’re not alone. The reasons for this hesitation are sometimes rooted in people’s backgrounds, and culture can be one of those influences.
What is culture?
“Culture” can have a lot of different meanings. One understanding of culture is that it’s the common ideas, traditions, and behaviors of a certain group of people.
The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by one in our team of fantastic SOVA Ambassadors—these are young people who help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.
Has your child ever been in an unhappy relationship, or even one that was toxic? How did you come to realize that reality, and as a parent how did you respond? Please read this blog, and then share your experiences with us in the comments.
For years, I have been in a toxic relationship. This relationship was not always toxic. In fact, the first two years were pure bliss. It was not until we each went to college that our relationship took a turn for the worse. My boyfriend become very unhappy with his college situation and he took that out on everyone around him, including me. He would get very angry, curse me out, belittle me, call me names, and yell at the top of his lungs. These outbursts of anger would happen almost every day. Sometimes they would come out of nowhere, or I would say something small and he would go over the edge.
For the last three years of our relationship, he blamed me for his emotional abuse. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “If you hadn’t said that, then I wouldn’t have yelled.” For three years, I always thought I was the problem in the relationship, because that is what he told me. My family and friends all told me to leave this man, but I could not ignore the good in him.
Then last week, my boyfriend broke up with me.
Continue reading A Teen’s Experience with a Toxic Relationship
The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by a SOVA Ambassador. SOVA Ambassadors help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.
Have you ever felt anxious or overwhelmed when standing in a crowd of people? If so, how do you handle these types of situations? Do you continue to stand around and feel anxious? Do you excuse yourself, find a quiet spot, and recover?
One piece of advice I received a few years back involves taking care of one’s mental health by “stepping away” from stressful moments to recuperate, or “center” one’s self.
Here’s how I do it…
On the main page of your website you cite a statistic that the African American rate for serious mental illness in Allegheny County is higher than the national rate. Has your work helped elucidate why this is the case?
I had a little bit of an understanding of that prior to my work. Pittsburgh is so segregated; there’s a lot of talk about equity and inclusivity, but it doesn’t always work that way. It sounds really good on paper, but what is equity? One thing that I have been trying to be very intentional about is keeping in mind that as our conversations grow and more people get involved, this doesn’t mean that we are more “equitable”. I still go out and talk to people the way that we started two years ago. To me, even though I am only one man, I envision having an army of people like me. We’d share a similar approach to sharing conversations, collecting stories, and collectively rewriting the narrative. To your question, that is the only way to keep everyone’s voice heard. I go to so many meetings and community conversations. There are very few people who are actually on the ground, in the trenches, knocking on people’s doors. This is truly meeting people where they are at. So, I am trying to be intentional about asking people what their story is and going from there. We can really make a difference in the black community using this grassroots approach. It’s not always about policies and delivering care packages; it’s about letting people know that they are valuable and that their story deserves to be heard.
See Steel Smiling’s website: https://www.steelsmilingpgh.org/ Continue reading Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 2
Meet Julius Boatwright, Executive Director of the Will Allen Foundation and the dedicated Social Worker who founded Steel Smiling. Julius has made great strides in the community by adopting a humanistic approach to help people discuss mental health openly and reduce the stigma surrounding this topic. This humanistic approach involves viewing people as a whole human-being instead of breaking them down into their individual parts. Julius emphasizes the notion that everyone is valuable and worth listening to and he practices this idea in his work. Steel Smiling began serving community members in the Hill District and has grown to include people from all walks of life in Pittsburgh. They’re bridging the gap between community members, mental health professionals, and leaders. While doing so, they’re intentionally breaking down barriers to show that mental health doesn’t discriminate; it affects every one of us.
We interviewed Julius to learn more about his impact on Pittsburgh.
How did your work as a community based therapist influence your mission at Steel Smiling?
As a community-based therapist, I saw a lot of disconnect between when a community member needed support and when they actually received it. For many of my interventions, I was sent in either at or after a crisis had occurred: when a child was about to be removed from the home, when someone was having suicidal ideation, or when there was intimate partner violence occurring. At the root of it all was mental and behavioral health challenges. Most days, it all seemed very reactionary to me. We would come in with our tool-belt of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques and resources. Over the course of one month we’d have three stages: the first being engagement, the second introducing and teaching skills, and the last week was connecting the family to resources. After that, we’d move on to the next family after the 28 days were over.
Would you check back in with them?
We could if they needed our support moving forward, but the idea was that we were there to serve as firefighters. We would go in, put the fire out, ensure safety, and share with them a couple of skills and resources before closing the intervention. However, at the 28-day point, that was when they were open and ready to really trust you. As soon as we were able to make progress together, I was called to serve with the next family. This is internationally utilized and proven, but I believe that we need to consider more preventative methods of delivering services. We need to do what we can to prevent the problems from happening instead of focusing on putting bandages on the wounds. Continue reading Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 1
The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by a SOVA Ambassador. SOVA Ambassadors help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.
I’m a people-pleaser all the way through. Not only do I have my own activities that I like to participate in, but whenever I am asked for help, I always say “Yes!” and “Of course!” I never really thought about it as a problem, as I always told myself that I worked better under stress. Plus, I made people happy by helping them out with their tasks! So isn’t it a win-win for everyone?
This year I started to pile on a lot of activities. Many of the things I said “Yes” to actually turned out to be long-term commitments, and now my plate is quite full! Then this fall, I started to feel burnt out. And that’s when it finally hit me:
I can say “No.”
The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by a SOVA Ambassador. SOVA Ambassadors help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.
What is something you (and your child) have learned as you’ve gotten older? Are there any life lessons that your child has had to learn? Do you find anything on this list to be particularly valuable? We would love to hear from you in the comment section below!
This is a personal story of recovery written by a young SOVA blogging ambassador.
Does your depression ever make you feel overly motivated instead of unmotivated? If so, then you are not alone. When many people hear the word “depression,” an image comes to mind of a person by themselves—typically staying in bed and being inactive. The reality is, depression is multifaceted. If you are currently talking to a therapist and have not discussed the different ways in which your depression manifests, I highly encourage it because you may learn things about your depression that you did not know previously.
In my experience, I have had the types of days when I was not motivated to leave my room and felt depression actually weighing me down. However, I also would have other days that my therapist told me were fueled by “OCD-like tendencies”—my therapist said this also was an effect of my depression.
This came as a surprise to me. I was not diagnosed with OCD, but my therapist explained that she thought I did enter that mindset sometimes. During these days, I would spend hours cleaning my room, throwing out things I needed, making sure nothing was on the floor of the house, and feeling like I had unlimited energy. When I was in those moments, I would feel productive, but it was only after the spells ended that I realized it was an unhealthy compulsion.
If you can relate to this experience, your depression may also manifest itself as an OCD-tendency state. My therapist explained to me this was my mind’s way of distracting myself from my thoughts and sadness. Instead of lying down and letting the depression hit me, I was fighting it off obsessively through my actions. But it didn’t work: the more I fervently cleaned and threw away, the more depressed I was becoming.
How can you manage this compulsive behavior?
Trigger Warning: Self Harm
This is a personal story of recovery that was shared with a SOVA team member.
Have you ever seen a classmate or friend walking around wearing a long sleeve shirt even on a hot summer day? Is there another student at your school who always seems hesitant to join swimming or gym class? Well, I have. One of my friends in middle school frequently displayed these behaviors at school, and she did not tell me the reason until years later.
When we met each other again last year, she confided in me on what was going on with her during those adolescent years. She was self-harming, and the marks on her arms made her feel ashamed. She was scared to telling anyone what was happening because she was too worried and afraid that people might not understand.
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. One day, she suddenly realized she could use other healthier and effective coping mechanisms to soothe her when she was feeling overwhelmed, anxious and stressed. She confided in me that she only made it because of the genuine support and care she felt from the trusting adults in her life, as well as her love for rock-n-roll music.
Yesterday on the blog we talked about how resilience can be a tool in our emotional first aid kits. Here are some more ways that you can strengthen this skill! Remember, you can also use these skills to help others improve their resiliency. Here’s how:
Continue reading Resilience: A Skill that Can Be Learned (Part 2)
Recently we interviewed Julius Boatwright, and we featured the first part of his interview yesterday on the blog. Here is Part Two of our sit down:
