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Flow: The Secret to Positive Attitude

In his TED talk, world-famous Hungarian psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi asks, “What makes a life worth living?” He emphasizes that money cannot make us happy. That includes holiday gifts or external reassurance that “everything will be okay.” He has studied individuals who find pleasure and lasting satisfaction in activities that bring about a state that he has called “flow.”

The discipline of positive psychology holds that flow—which is sometimes called “being in the zone”—is the state of mind in which you’re totally consumed in an activity, not to achieve perfection or control the outcomes of problems, but just to enjoy the activity for its own sake.

Continue reading Flow: The Secret to Positive Attitude

A Teen’s Experience with a Toxic Relationship

The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by one in our team of fantastic SOVA Ambassadors—these are young people who help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.

Has your child ever been in an unhappy relationship, or even one that was toxic? How did you come to realize that reality, and as a parent how did you respond? Please read this blog, and then share your experiences with us in the comments.

For years, I have been in a toxic relationship. This relationship was not always toxic. In fact, the first two years were pure bliss. It was not until we each went to college that our relationship took a turn for the worse. My boyfriend become very unhappy with his college situation and he took that out on everyone around him, including me. He would get very angry, curse me out, belittle me, call me names, and yell at the top of his lungs. These outbursts of anger would happen almost every day. Sometimes they would come out of nowhere, or I would say something small and he would go over the edge.

For the last three years of our relationship, he blamed me for his emotional abuse. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “If you hadn’t said that, then I wouldn’t have yelled.” For three years, I always thought I was the problem in the relationship, because that is what he told me. My family and friends all told me to leave this man, but I could not ignore the good in him.

Then last week, my boyfriend broke up with me.

Continue reading A Teen’s Experience with a Toxic Relationship

Stepping Away

The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by a SOVA Ambassador. SOVA Ambassadors help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.

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Have you ever felt anxious or overwhelmed when standing in a crowd of people? If so, how do you handle these types of situations? Do you continue to stand around and feel anxious? Do you excuse yourself, find a quiet spot, and recover?

One piece of advice I received a few years back involves taking care of one’s mental health by “stepping away” from stressful moments to recuperate, or “center” one’s self.

Here’s how I do it…

Continue reading Stepping Away

Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 2

Recently we interviewed Julius Boatwright, and we featured the first part of his interview yesterday on the blog. Here is Part Two of our sit down:

On the main page of your website you cite a statistic that the African American rate for serious mental illness in Allegheny County is higher than the national rate. Has your work helped elucidate why this is the case?

I had a little bit of an understanding of that prior to my work. Pittsburgh is so segregated; there’s a lot of talk about equity and inclusivity, but it doesn’t always work that way. It sounds really good on paper, but what is equity? One thing that I have been trying to be very intentional about is keeping in mind that as our conversations grow and more people get involved, this doesn’t mean that we are more “equitable”. I still go out and talk to people the way that we started two years ago. To me, even though I am only one man, I envision having an army of people like me. We’d share a similar approach to sharing conversations, collecting stories, and collectively rewriting the narrative. To your question, that is the only way to keep everyone’s voice heard. I go to so many meetings and community conversations. There are very few people who are actually on the ground, in the trenches, knocking on people’s doors. This is truly meeting people where they are at. So, I am trying to be intentional about asking people what their story is and going from there. We can really make a difference in the black community using this grassroots approach. It’s not always about policies and delivering care packages; it’s about letting people know that they are valuable and that their story deserves to be heard.See Steel Smiling’s website: https://www.steelsmilingpgh.org/ Continue reading Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 2

Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 1

Meet Julius Boatwright, Executive Director of the Will Allen Foundation and the dedicated Social Worker who founded Steel Smiling. Julius has made great strides in the community by adopting a humanistic approach to help people discuss mental health openly and reduce the stigma surrounding this topic. This humanistic approach involves viewing people as a whole human-being instead of breaking them down into their individual parts. Julius emphasizes the notion that everyone is valuable and worth listening to and he practices this idea in his work. Steel Smiling began serving community members in the Hill District and has grown to include people from all walks of life in Pittsburgh. They’re bridging the gap between community members, mental health professionals, and leaders. While doing so, they’re intentionally breaking down barriers to show that mental health doesn’t discriminate; it affects every one of us.

We interviewed Julius to learn more about his impact on Pittsburgh.

How did your work as a community based therapist influence your mission at Steel Smiling?

As a community-based therapist, I saw a lot of disconnect between when a community member needed support and when they actually received it. For many of my interventions, I was sent in either at or after a crisis had occurred: when a child was about to be removed from the home, when someone was having suicidal ideation, or when there was intimate partner violence occurring. At the root of it all was mental and behavioral health challenges. Most days, it all seemed very reactionary to me. We would come in with our tool-belt of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques and resources. Over the course of one month we’d have three stages: the first being engagement, the second introducing and teaching skills, and the last week was connecting the family to resources. After that, we’d move on to the next family after the 28 days were over.

Would you check back in with them?

We could if they needed our support moving forward, but the idea was that we were there to serve as firefighters. We would go in, put the fire out, ensure safety, and share with them a couple of skills and resources before closing the intervention. However, at the 28-day point, that was when they were open and ready to really trust you. As soon as we were able to make progress together, I was called to serve with the next family. This is internationally utilized and proven, but I believe that we need to consider more preventative methods of delivering services. We need to do what we can to prevent the problems from happening instead of focusing on putting bandages on the wounds. Continue reading Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 1

Happiness Set Point

There is an idea in psychology that we all have something called a happiness set point. A happiness set point is a term used to describe our general level of happiness, and it is unique to each of us. We all have different set points, and it is possible that some people, who seem to be happier than others, have naturally higher happiness set points.

Where does our happiness set point come from?

Your happiness set point partly comes from your genes. It also comes from our upbringing and personality traits that we develop when we are young and stay with us throughout our lives. Continue reading Happiness Set Point

How Our Genes Are Not Set In Stone

One of the most interesting areas of mental health research is “epigenetics”—the study of changes in organisms caused by modification of gene expression rather than changing the genetic code itself. In plain language, that means that we can inherit a predisposition to conditions like depression and anxiety—but there are also things we can do to change how our genes make themselves felt in our daily lives.

As Rachel Yehuda, Ph.D., says:

We’re just starting to understand that just because you’re born with a certain set of genes, you’re not in a biologic prison as a result of those genes.

Changes can be made in our behaviors that then change the way the genes function. Our genes are not set in stone.

Yehuda is professor of psychiatry and neuroscience at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. She talks about epigenetics and the kinds of changes we can make to our genetic expression in this episode of a super-helpful podcast called “On Being.”

Sometimes those changes, for example, have to do with diet—like if our kids inherit a predisposition toward cancer, they don’t inherit actual tumors, but they inherit a greater possibility that if they eat a diet high in animal fat and low in healthy carbohydrates, they increase their chances of their genes turning on the “switch” for cancer. Continue reading How Our Genes Are Not Set In Stone

Learning to say “No” like a pro!

The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by a SOVA Ambassador. SOVA Ambassadors help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.

I’m a people-pleaser all the way through. Not only do I have my own activities that I like to participate in, but whenever I am asked for help, I always say “Yes!” and “Of course!” I never really thought about it as a problem, as I always told myself that I worked better under stress. Plus, I made people happy by helping them out with their tasks! So isn’t it a win-win for everyone?

This year I started to pile on a lot of activities. Many of the things I said “Yes” to actually turned out to be long-term commitments, and now my plate is quite full! Then this fall, I started to feel burnt out. And that’s when it finally hit me:

I can say “No.”

Continue reading Learning to say “No” like a pro!

18 things I learned by the age of 18:

The SOVA Project is happy to feature this blog post written by a SOVA Ambassador. SOVA Ambassadors help create meaningful blog posts for us to share.

It’s perfectly okay to say “no.” There are times where you have too much on your plate already, yet you continue to take on more because you don’t know how to say no. Remember, your personal health and sanity is more important than pleasing others.
Not everybody is always going to like what you say, or what you do, or how you dress, or your thoughts or ideas. THAT’S FINE! Chances are, you aren’t going to change their opinion anymore than you can change theirs.
Live in the present. The past has passed, and it is no longer an issue. The future is never constant and even the slightest most insignificant alteration could change your path on the course of life.
Give back when you can. While it may be fun to flaunt your accomplishments or possessions, remember there are always people worse off than yourself.
Be organized. When you are disorganized, your work and life becomes cluttered and harder to navigate. Take time every once in a while to think, plan, initiate, and accomplish things that you set forth to do.
Take responsibility for your mistakes and actions. If you mess something up, own up to it and be honest. It takes a lot of weight off of your shoulders in the long run.
Success has different definitions to different people. Not everybody has the same goals as you do so try not to compare your victories to theirs. Act on your own impulses and make your own decisions.
You are your biggest critic. When you look at yourself in a mirror, you can pick out every single little flaw that others might gaze over without even thinking twice. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Your opinions and abilities have value. If artists and designers just gave away their work for free, it would tarnish their value and their demand. Market yourself so that you are a player that everybody wants on your team.
If you don’t understand something, PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for help. The world is not out to get you and asking for help is okay. Everybody is raised to be pretty independent, but even the strongest people fall the hardest sometimes.
“When they go low, we go high.” Don’t lower yourself to somebody else’s level. Play fair and use your own work ethic and determination get ahead.
Work for what you want. It’s much more satisfying to use your own money to buy the things that you want because it means that you set a goal, and achieved that goal.
Be kind. In the grand scheme of things, will it really matter if they’re sold out of your favorite drink at Starbucks? If somebody finished the last of the milk and now you have dry cereal? If the person driving in front of you doesn’t like to use their turn signal?
Sometimes you’re going to be upset for no logical reason. It happens. Don’t focus on it too much because it does get better and you will get past it.
Challenge the status quo. Don’t just go with the current assuming that it will make you happy. Do things that aren’t normal. Do things that scare you. Act on impulse.
Do not let anybody sidetrack you on your pathway to success. If you have a goal, think of what you need to do to get there. If others don’t understand or don’t care, then you’re better off without them.
Follow your dreams and reach your goals. Although it might take years and years and years, the amount of satisfaction that comes in finding your passion is well worth it.
Don’t ever lower your standards or expectations because of somebody else. Know your worth, know what you want, and never settle for less. Don’t compromise when you don’t have to.

What is something you (and your child) have learned as you’ve gotten older? Are there any life lessons that your child has had to learn? Do you find anything on this list to be particularly valuable? We would love to hear from you in the comment section below!