What words describe your child? If someone did not know them at all, how would you describe them? You could probably make a long list of things. People are not one-dimensional. And even if most of the time if they are one way, in certain situations they might be the opposite. Let’s say most of the time they are a peacemaker, but if someone makes fun of their sister, they will pick a fight with them. There may even be things about them that seem to be opposites, but they are both there.
For example, maybe they have a lot of skill in math and science—but when it comes down to it, they could spend all their days just drawing with a charcoal pencil. People have many sides to them. And in one snapshot of their lives—they are one way—at another stage they might have left certain things behind and now there are new adjectives to describe who they are.
That being said, what does it mean to get a mental health diagnosis? Now is this something else that describes your child? Does it put a damper on their life—what does it mean when someone uses a word to describe them? He’s a depressed guy. She is an anxious girl. Sometimes when people use labels, it feels like a condemnation. Maybe you feel like they are really saying, He’s depressed—that means he is weak, no good, a failure at life, and he’ll never amount to anything. Maybe you feel like they are really saying, She’s anxious—that means she worries too much for no good reason, she takes everything seriously, and cries and complains too much about everything.
But think for a minute: are those things true? How could your child have been something else, and now this label makes them a one-sided person. Sometimes labels can make us feel so very small. Or we feel like being labeled or diagnosed means we are doomed.
In medicine, we try to adopt a more humanizing way to talk about any illness. Instead of saying, “Sally is a depressed 15-year-old girl,” we say, “Sally is a 15 year-old girl who has depression.”
Can such a little difference in language make a big difference in our perception? Yes! The difference is that Sally is a multi-dimensional person and depression is only one part of her life and experience.
Some people do not want to get help because they don’t want to wear a label. Well, here’s the truth: no one is a label. For the sake of figuring out how to help people, sometimes medical people will use labels (or categories) so they can formulate a treatment plan. But in real life, everyone’s illness is unique and different, has a different course, and could have been caused by different things. Using these labels is a simple way to talk to each other so we can communicate and try to help. It’s important to remember that each person is unique and not a label.
Have you ever felt ashamed of your child being labeled as being sick or “mentally ill”? What strategies did you use to cope with this and help yourself feel better about it?